you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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