u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
