Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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