Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
