just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
