I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
vagina is talking i cant
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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