So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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