he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
