Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize