Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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