Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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