Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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