im six kinds of drunk right now
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
