Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
