No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
