my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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