so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
