she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
