i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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