i just wanna soil my oats bro
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore