New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.