So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me