I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS