I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"