you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled