forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.