Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.