you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
