I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
