I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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