There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
