erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
