Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
