you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
