Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
