apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
