when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
