But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize