Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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