he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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