the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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