Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
