When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
