I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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