you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This house was built for laser tag.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
