Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
