i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
