your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can't motorboat a personality
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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