i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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