this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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