sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
