I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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