i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
