Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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