youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
