I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
