In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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