never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
