The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
