So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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