go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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