shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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