Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did i walk over a car last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
