I got her a Nickelback box set.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i believe in u and ur pee
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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