I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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