It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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