just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
