Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
